We all want to fall in love. Why?
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive,
where every sense is heightened,
and every emotion is magnified.
Our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flung into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, or an afternoon,
but that doesn't diminish its value,
because we are left with memories
that we treasure for the rest of our lives.

Why people like to gossip? Are they feel more comfortable after back stabbing people? Is that ethical? Or we tend to make it ethical? No way, I can't just imagine how I spend my time if i stop gossiping people. It's my daily routine and I use to do this with my friend. Now I'm going to reveal to you who actually Stephanie is.ah~ha Finally you realize that Stephanie is such a bitch and you will going to hate her soon. Whatever~ because I'm not going to do any explanation and I do really feel that gossip people is ethical. Sue me if you want too.

I always asking people stop to judge me but I'm the one to make myself become the judger. I have no idea who the person is. What is he/she thinking? Is he/she is nice person? I really don't know. I use to predict it and my prediction always goes wrong. Is that funny? yup, is reallyx3 funny to me. So you might be the topic that I gossip during my free time. To make yourself get rid of it? Just stay away from me and you will be save.

I really understand the feeling when people say bad things about you. But don't know why I still do this to people. To make myself feel better? Maybe~ One thing for sure, I don't ever feel guilty when I do this. Maybe, I'm cruel or mean and that's why I don't feel anything. Don't ever try to pretend you didn't gossip about people and you are a nice person who having a good moral value. You're such a liar, pretender and faker if you think so.Everyone likes to gossip people , the differences will just be how often you tend to gossip people. We are human and human is the most cruel creature on this planet. Don't try to denial it because you're one of them. Just admit it and be honest to yourself because it was nothing to lose to know who you are.

Is time for study, is mid-term exam time!!! (do you all notice that i change my introduction for this post.) ya, i know I'm lame. whatever~
I'm kinda hyper today. Don't know why~ may everything goes smoothly on today and i will say today might be my lucky day. Maybe~ something happens on today but I'm not going to share it out. I'm selfish, come and sue me, i don't mind. Do you all agree when you are happy, everything will be alright and good things will just come to you. do u all agree???
Preparing for my tomorrow exam. Contemporary ethics and Intercultural papers really freak me out. this is all because of my last minute work and i know i can't blame anyone for this. It is all my fault!!! Never mind i still have 6 hours to go before my exam. Wish me good luck! I'm the girl who always lie lie lie ( copy this phrase from Bluey, hope that she won't mind)
Finally, i get myself eating KFC on Saturday. It is already few months I din eat KFC. Since I'm on diet, it is no way for me to eat KFC and i almost forget how is it taste. Huh, sometimes i just feel that being a woman, lady, girl etc is damn suffering and tiring(kill me please). I like to eat but eat makes me gain weight and i hate to gain weight, so i must stop to eat. hate it hate it hate it ~

that all for today...
i need to continue my revision...
i like the feeling of getting good result..
so i must work it out!!!
stay tune..



me with my funny hair band.. like or not/

I'm back. Sometimes i really dunno how to do an introduction for my blog. You will find me keep on using the same opening for my every blog. I'm not a creative person and i always do.Buying the same present for everyone and wrap it with a same present paper already proof that I'm not creative. But one thing i would like to make myself clear is i do really appreciate all the hard work that friends do it for me and i do like to put my efforts on them too. even I'm not creative enough, but please don't
judge my sincerity! I'm just a simple minded girl and i always do things with my heart and not my mind, that's why people will say i have no brain and i admit that i din bring my brain along for all the time.

One of my friend says that i dislike the life that I'm having now. Yup, i really dislike it but i think the word "hate" should be replace the word "dislike". it should be "i hate my life". i hate everything that i having now. it was so not me. i hate the fake smile i use.i hate people that don't understand me. i hate people over-judge me. i hate the pressure and stress that I'm having now. i hate the expectation that giving by my family wherein i can't do anything for them. i hate that i can't even get myself into sleep every night. i hate to hide my emotion in front of people. i hate to act like I'm a happy-go-lucky person. I'm suffering and you all will never understand my feeling, don't you??? I'm a low-esteem person, that's why i will easily get myself depress.Everyday, i need to keep on telling myself I'm happy and I will be fine very soon and it was damm tiring. I know you all might think that i have everything and my life is better than many peoples. No way... it seems like i have everything but actually i have nothing. my life sucks!!! being Stephanie is just ~ (speechless) maybe there is no word that i can use to describe myself. whatever!!! I'm not an important person. I'm just nobody. I can just let myself disappear anytime and no one will care about it.

I'm that kind of girl who like to complain a lot and do nothing to change. i have a lot of dissatisfaction and i never feel enough. i never gain anything in my life. I'm just a loser. I always get myself in trouble and this is the only things i can do it well, nothing else~ I should be alone. I dun deserve to get any love from anyone. it is better to isolate myself from the others. i need a hole to let myself jump in. i just need to be myself sometimes. maybe~

i think i can be a good partner, maybe a good lover. again maybe~ i can do anything if i willing to do. but i dun think i have the opportunity to do that. the person that i wan to treat him good will never know it. I'm not a perfect girl for him and i will never be perfect for anyone. Maybe I'm only a friend for him and i always will be his friend. i dun deserve to love anyone because i dun even like myself. ya, I'm just crapping.. what I'm writing now is just a piece of shit. please ignore it~



I'm just like an elephant and I'm ugly but she is adorable









-the end-
i have nothing to share ~
another emo day for me

Another night that i can't get myself into sleep. I'm mentally tired and i seriously need a good sleep but no matter how hard i try, i still get myself into sleep. what can i do?? everyone is on their bed except me, still sitting in front of the computer, wondering what time i will be able to sleep. what a sad case for me. how pathetic my life is. No one can help me. sad sad sad
i get myself in trouble again but finally i have solve it. I'm a trouble maker and i keep on blaming people giving me a lot of problems. I'm stubborn and i never learn from my mistakes. how stoo-pid am i. Sometimes i really sick of my carelessness , i never gain anything from my mistakes. I'm going to ruin my own life. and i really know it.
i think i have everything in my life and my life is pretty good compare to the others. But i think something is missing and i always feel so. I know what is missing and I'm the one who make myself not to think about it. sometime i really think i need it but sometimes i think i can live without it. is that thing important to me??? sometimes it is hurtful but it do makes me happy too.
my life is boring and pathetic. life should be colorful and wonderful but i only have Grey color in my life. my life is not in black and white but in Grey color. what is Grey color?? sad?? miserable?? boring?? etc....
I'm so lost now, i don't know what is my next step. Am i on the right way or the wrong way??? my life is miserable. i hate myself. i hate the fake smile that i always use it. I'm not happy and i always do but why i always keep myself pretending that I'm happy, I'm okie, I'm fine and the truth is I'm not and it was so not me.i hate the feeling being left out. i feel myself uncontrollable. I'm a faker. I'm a pretender. I'm just nothing~ I'm just want to walk away from everything. Can i leave myself alone???

hey, I'm back... hrm, sometimes I'm just wondering what should i write in my blog. Actually I have a lot of things to share with my friends but don't know
why I just want to keep it as my secret sometimes... Maybe no one will bother to know about it and i shouldn't say it out and make it as people's burden. I think it is better to handle it by my own. Okie, I'm not emo again, I'm just want to share my feelings out, that's all~ no other meaning, please don't get me wrong... sometimes i feel like I'm hard to understand, maybe I never express my feelings out or I'm just being self-center and never let people to understand me but maybe there are nobody who willing to understand me.
Instead of saying to be alone, i think I'm actually looking for a soul-mate, someone who knows whatever I'm thinking even i didn't express it out. He or she might knows me deeply, maybe knowing me more than myself, knowing every actions or words that I'm going to do. But i think it's hard to find someone like this. I don't want handsome boy or rich guy, i really don't need it. I want the secure feeling, i just want the feeling being protected. Is that sounds ridiculous to me?? ya, maybe~ I'm the one who always take good care for others and make myself look like a nanny but I really glad to see my friend being protected by me and i think it's great to have that kind of feeling. But sometimes I'm just wondering can I have that feeling too??? I'm just wondering, please don't get me wrong again.
Am I hard to be understand??? But sometimes I really don't understand what I actually want. I'm feel insecure and my life full of uncertainty and miserable...