Another night that i can't get myself into sleep. I'm mentally tired and i seriously need a good sleep but no matter how hard i try, i still get myself into sleep. what can i do?? everyone is on their bed except me, still sitting in front of the computer, wondering what time i will be able to sleep. what a sad case for me. how pathetic my life is. No one can help me. sad sad sad
i get myself in trouble again but finally i have solve it. I'm a trouble maker and i keep on blaming people giving me a lot of problems. I'm stubborn and i never learn from my mistakes. how stoo-pid am i. Sometimes i really sick of my carelessness , i never gain anything from my mistakes. I'm going to ruin my own life. and i really know it.
i think i have everything in my life and my life is pretty good compare to the others. But i think something is missing and i always feel so. I know what is missing and I'm the one who make myself not to think about it. sometime i really think i need it but sometimes i think i can live without it. is that thing important to me??? sometimes it is hurtful but it do makes me happy too.
my life is boring and pathetic. life should be colorful and wonderful but i only have Grey color in my life. my life is not in black and white but in Grey color. what is Grey color?? sad?? miserable?? boring?? etc....
I'm so lost now, i don't know what is my next step. Am i on the right way or the wrong way??? my life is miserable. i hate myself. i hate the fake smile that i always use it. I'm not happy and i always do but why i always keep myself pretending that I'm happy, I'm okie, I'm fine and the truth is I'm not and it was so not me.i hate the feeling being left out. i feel myself uncontrollable. I'm a faker. I'm a pretender. I'm just nothing~ I'm just want to walk away from everything. Can i leave myself alone???